I’ve always been fascinated with the concept of changing for someone. What motivates you to finally do it, and what keeps you maintaining that change. I think in life we hate the word change, so much so we associate anything with it as a negative thing. But is it really? Is all change bad? And if we do consent to change for someone, where do we draw the line?Is there a point where it becomes too much and is too demanding?
Growing up with my parents, I see them both adjust slightly to please the other person. My mom would try to have more patience, my father would try to clean up more, and together they seemed to create this music of making small accommodations to create harmony.
It is interesting though, how all our lives we are told not to change for anyone. It’s the typical theme in most motivating lectures given to us by our mothers or fathers. No relationship is worth changing yourself for. So I find it a little peculiar how when we are close to someone, we are urged to change for them. Whether it’s the pet peeves… I wish you wouldn’t chew so loudly, the personality traits… why do you always role your eyes when I criticize you, or something really serious… you need to not have a job that overpowers mine.
Now I’m not saying change is bad. I actually think encouraging change in your partner can be a really good thing. Sometimes the change we demand, isn’t so much the dreaded change, but improvement. I’ll admit it, I have bad habits. I swear when I get mad, I procrastinate deep cleaning, and I start movies but rarely finish them. Someday I may have a partner in life who will inspire me to quit those bad habits. But something I’ve been thinking about is how we need to be more clear about what is and what isn’t a good level of change. Because honestly, there are a lot of relationships that are broken because of that problem.