As the Stars Fall | Two

This post comes in two parts.

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Part One –

Star Wars Day. Just go up to any Star Wars nerd and ask them if there is anything significant about today. I’m sure they’ll offer up a big smile and reply “May the fourth be with you!” I myself, am a huge Star Wars fan.

I’ll admit, when I was younger I was afraid of the movies, especially Darth Vader. Whether that was because the images were genuinely scary or it was just me focussing all my stress and anxiety onto this fandom- I’m not sure I’ll ever know. And I’ll also admit that the only reason I watched the movies was to impress a boy I currently had a crush on, four summers ago.

While the boy didn’t last, the movies did; and I proceeded to become one of the biggest fanatics of Star Wars. I don’t play the video games, I don’t read the books, I don’t have any lightsabers hiding in my closet, but I do have a deep passion for the movies. Does that make me a true nerd? I’m not sure, but all I know is that these movies have been there for me when it seems like nothing else has.

My favorite character- R2-D2. For sure. I have a pez dispenser of him, a piggy bank, a necklace… heck, even a dress. Maybe because he doesn’t get that much attention, but he’s fiesty as all get out. Sounds like me.

So thank you George Lucas. One of the greatest joys of my life has been your movies. The characters, the adventure, and the world you created.

 

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Part Two –

My love for Audrey Hepburn began at a young age, ever since I saw the movie My Fair Lady. I’d watch it on the floor in my living room and sing along to the classic songs like “Wouldn’t it be Lovely” or “I could have danced all night”. The older I got though, I fell in love with her for more than her pretty face.

Audrey Hepburn was so much more than what she is remembered by. I didn’t truly learn that until I got older and I think more mature. She wasn’t just a beautiful woman in terms of her face and body, she was had a beautiful heart. She was an introvert and someone who hated seeing others in pain. She’s more than Holly Golightly, Eliza Doolittle, or Sabrina Fairchild. She’s Audrey Hepburn. A beautiful soul. A beautiful face. A beautiful person.

Now, years later, I still love her. And I have the honor of being compared to her by my friends and family. Maybe it’s the haircut or the face shape I have. Or maybe it’s that I love her so much I can’t help but try to emulate her. I want to thank God that she was brought into this world, so that people like me might have someone to look up to.

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”

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Time and Space | One

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Hello. Here is the start of something new. Over my life I’ve had several blogs, all blogs I’ve never managed to keep up with. I think it’s because all of them were focused on the new, the wonderful, and the constant race of keeping up with the world. Well, here I am saying… it’s exhausting.

I’m at a point in my life where it’s become so incredibly tiring of comparing my life to everyone else. Because they travel the world and I don’t, they made an outstanding grade and I didn’t, or they’re in love and I’m not. We live in a world where we thrive off each other. Literally, if someone is isolated without contact with other people, years of psychological trauma is likely to develop. So why shouldn’t we stay connected and stay in the know? Especially with the world today, where all you have to do is open the Facebook app or post a picture on instagram.

For me, it’s never been an issue of conformity. I’m all about the be your own person and do your own thing lifestyle. Maybe now it’s different because, I look at my plan for my life- my hopes, my aspirations, and my intentions, and look at what the reality is… I see that they are two lines that aren’t lining up the way they should.

So, what now? Give up? Through in the towel? Say to yourself well my life is a failure because my life isn’t like so-and-so’s?  That’s the dilemma I’m facing now. How do I not only find the courage to live each day with joy and determination, despite it’s uncertainties…. how do I ultimately find contentment with what I have been given?

Life is a blessing. It’s something I’m working on remembering. I don’t want to see anyway commit suicide or have to hear about someone’s uncle dying because… life is a blessing. But right now, with the mental state I’m in, I’m struggling with seeing that my life is a blessing. No matter the outcome. But the thing is, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter who you love, and what you say… there is something good in life. There is some blessing. Maybe it’s hidden or maybe it’s out in the open.

I just have to go out there and find it.